Paano tulungan si Mama sa menopause: a guide for daughters and sons

That is almost word for word what a daughter asked on r/AskPinay. Another wrote that her mother kept saying it was very hot even with the aircon on. Others said they wanted to help but did not know how, because people around them were not open to talking about it.

If you are here, you are already doing the most important thing: noticing.

The stretch of years before periods stop for good, usually in the 40s, is called perimenopause. Menopause is confirmed after 12 months without a period. During this time, hormone levels swing, and that can show up as:

• Hot flashes and night sweats: sudden heat from the inside, "kahit naka-aircon".
• Poor sleep: waking at 3 am, then tired all day.
• Mood changes: irritability, sudden anger, anxiety or sadness. In the SWAN study, the risk of depression was higher during the menopause transition than before it (Bromberger and Kravitz 2011).
• Brain fog: forgetting words, losing her train of thought. This is common and usually improves after the transition.
• Body aches: shoulder stiffness, joint pain, frozen shoulder. In one Filipino study, shoulder stiffness and lower back pain each affected about a third of women (Matsuo et al. 2012).
• Period changes: shorter, longer, heavier or skipped.
• Vaginal dryness and bladder changes, which she may never mention to you, and that is fine.

The symptom checker lists more. Not every change is menopause. Thyroid problems, anaemia, depression and other conditions can look similar, which is one more reason a doctor visit helps.

Maraming nanay ang lumaki na tinuruang maging matiisin. Kapag marami kang nararamdaman at sinasabi mo, "maarte" o "OA" ka raw. Kaya kahit hirap na si Mama, baka sabihin lang niya na "pagod lang ako" o "ganito talaga pag tumatanda".

Baka nahihiya rin siya. Baka akala niya walang magagawa. Baka natatakot siya sa HRT dahil sa narinig niyang "nakaka-cancer yan". At baka may OB na siyang nagsabi na stress lang ito.

Hindi mo kailangang ayusin lahat. Ang kailangan niya ay maramdaman na naniniwala ka sa kanya.

Simple, mahinahon, at walang biro. Ilang halimbawa:

• "Ma, napansin ko parang hirap kang matulog lately. Okay ka lang ba?"
• "Ma, hindi ka maarte. Totoo yung nararamdaman mo, at may gamot para diyan."
• "Nabasa ko na normal sa edad mo ang ganyang hot flashes. Gusto mo bang ipa-check natin?"
• "Samahan kita sa doktor. Ako na ang magbu-book."
• "Gusto mo bang i-try natin itong symptom diary? Para may maipakita tayo sa doktor."

Kung ayaw niya munang pag-usapan, okay lang. Sabihin mo lang na nandiyan ka kapag handa na siya.

• "Menopause na kasi, kaya ang sungit." Masakit ito, kahit biro lang.
• "Ang arte mo naman." o "Tiisin mo na lang."
• "Normal lang yan, lahat dumadaan diyan." Totoo na karaniwan ito, pero hindi ibig sabihin na kailangan niyang magtiis.
• "Delikado ang HRT, nakaka-cancer." Maraming luma at maling paniniwala tungkol dito. Hayaan ninyong ang doktor ang magpaliwanag ng totoong risk para sa kanya. Basahin ang HRT and cancer.
• Pag-uusap tungkol sa sintomas niya sa harap ng ibang tao nang walang paalam.

• Help her keep a diary. Set up the free symptom diary on her phone, or print the paper diary. Two to four weeks of notes make a doctor visit far more useful. Her data stays on her phone.
• Find the right doctor. Look for one who does menopause care and discusses both hormone and non-hormonal options. See find a doctor.
• Book and go with her. Offer to book, pay the consult if you can, and take notes. A consult costs ₱300 to ₱600 at a government hospital and ₱600 to ₱2,000 at a private one. A teleconsult through NowServing or Doctor Anywhere saves a trip. Prices checked October 2026.
• Help her prepare. Our guide on how to talk to your doctor has Taglish scripts, including what to say if the OB says it is "just stress".
• Make home easier. A fan by her bed, lighter blankets, a cooler room at night, and patience when she wakes the house at 3 am. They will not prevent the flashes, but they make the nights kinder.
• Be careful with supplements. Many products are marketed to women in menopause. The Menopause Society 2023 does not recommend herbal or soy products for hot flashes. Check any product in the supplement checker before buying one as a gift.

Encourage Mama to see a doctor soon, and go with her if you can, if she has:

• Any bleeding after her periods have stopped for 12 months, even a little. See bleeding after menopause.
• A lump in her breast.
• Chest pain, a sudden severe headache, or one leg that is swollen and painful.
• Talk of hopelessness or of harming herself. Stay with her and call the NCMH Crisis Hotline, free and 24/7: 1553 from a landline, 0919-057-1553 (Smart/TNT), or 0917-899-8727 or 0966-351-4518 (Globe/TM). Or go to the nearest ER.